But I did. I finally sat through and listened to the collective schlock that is the Reagan-loving GOP presidential clown car.  Here are my takeaways:


Ben Carson, the famed neurosurgeon, reminded us of the importance of having a brain, yet senselessly gave praise to the founders of America for understanding the value of hard work. Ironic, considering that those same people thought nothing of obtaining and maintaining free slave labor. Carson also talked about personal responsibility while ignoring the irresponsibility of law enforcement in shooting first and asking questions later. Not that I would expect those issues to resonate with a black man.

Everyone knew Trump would be a blowhard, and he got off to a great start when moderator Megyn Kelly quoted him making disparaging remarks about women. He later blamed Kelly’s line of questioning on that time of the month. He then stoop behind the blanket racist remarks he made about Mexican immigrants, claiming that America is just P.C. Not that he could maybe be wrong about making a generalization about an entire population of people. Asshole.

It wasn’t all bad. John Kasich had a home team advantage.  The Ohio governor  talked about the importance of treating the mentally ill in prisons and providing rehab incarcerated substance abusers in an effort to reduce recidivism. He gave respect to those seeking same-sex marriage because, despite his personal beliefs, those people deserved respect as well. What? Help the incarcerated get better? Give respect to those whose personal beliefs are different than yours? Surely Kasich is on the wrong team.

Rand Paul made a very interesting observation that the no one in politics likes to admit: That the United States supplies weapons to people who use them against us. I’m also glad that he rejected tenets of the Patriot Act, instead pushing for government to collect less personal information from ordinary citizens.

Finally, Mike Huckabee gave us soundbite gold, arguing that pimps, prostitutes, drug dealers need to pay their share of social security. Because Uncle Sam wants YOU!