Boy, I walk away for a few weeks and all this happens. Wall Streeter Bernie Maddoff robs people of 50 billion at the Worst. Time. Ever. I guess grandma was wrong when she said that it always helps to have a Jew on your side. Well, not always, I guess. Anyway, the lesson here is, diversify, people! Everybody is homeless. I don’t feel so bad anymore. Somali pirates (PIRATES!) said ‘screw technology’, and conquered the seas with a couple of sawed-off guns, some old-fashioned grenades, and a few pocket knves. Indian massacre terrorists used technology and Twittered their way into infamy. Beyoncé decides to diss the Jacksons and open the door for young entertainers. As if I didn’t have Oprah or Tina Turner to look up to. Speaking of the Jacksons, Janet got knocked up by JD and finally got the cover of a tabloid weekly after, like, YEARS. Congrats. My beloved Bettie Paige, queen of fetish, and lingerie muse, died. Bummer. Zimbabwe stooped to a new low (or high?) with a 10 BILLION dollar note. Are they for real? Somebody threw a shoe at President Bush, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Whitney Port is coming to ‘The City’ and I can now look forward to a fresh gaggle of starry-eyed chicklettes rushing to New York to be in the fashion industry. Again. I’m bouncing out of here before New York drowns under Paterson’s taxes. Oh, Happy Holidays!